I’ve put together a full list of 6 types of voices:
“Mama, Daddy, Son, Sister, Son-in-Law, and Father”: These types of voices say things like, “Go home, my son,” “I love you,” or “I miss you.” They also typically sound out of place in the room. These voices are often the worst in your home.
“Mommy, Mommy, Mama, Baby”: These voices say things like “Get your doll,” “Do you like it?” and “What’s on your mind?”
“Grandma, Grandma, Grandma”: These types of voices say things like “I thought I liked you,” “You are so nice to me,” or “You always say things that make me want to cuddle you.” Most are pretty sweet.
“Grandma, Grandma, Grandma, Grandmom”: These types of voices say things like “You are so special to me,” “Are you a bad kisser?” and “I love you for that.” Also, in my experience, the grandmums of these people are not overly friendly. They’ll tend to stay in the background and let you talk to yourself.
“Old man, old man, old man, old man, grandfather, grandfather-grandfather”: These types of voices say things like “Grandmother, grandmother, grandmother, grandfather,” or “Grandfather, grandfather, grandfather-grandfather.” They also tend to have a great presence around other children or adults.
“Old man, old man, old man, old guy, old lady”: These types of voices say things like “Are you always like that?” and “Can I give you a kiss?”
Do you own up to my bias that you are a bad listener? You are totally entitled to voice your opinions about me, but as I’m an adult, I’m not going to read your mind or use my voice to give you advice.
How often do I hear you in the house?
This is a difficult question to answer. However, I will say this: You ARE a bad listener. When I say these words, they are usually accompanied by:
A loud snore
A loud fart
An inappropriate stare
A look of disapproval
A long silence
When my kids grow up, they’re going to have different voices and will no longer make mistakes because they’ve learned
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