He was really happy he wouldn’t have to worry about it.
He knew, of course, that the only way he would find out was by being in his place.
It was the sort of thing that happens when your mind wanders. I don’t think he ever thought, ‘How is my son? What is happening to me?’ His whole existence, it was always a question.
You had a great deal of trouble in your old age.
Yes, I was not the greatest speaker. I could speak, but my voice wasn’t very good. My voice wasn’t very good. It would make you want to vomit. I think I have that disease. My daughter, she says, ‘I can’t believe you didn’t die,’ but I say, ‘I don’t want to die.’ I had a couple of jobs that I hated. There were times when, when I was doing my job, I felt so guilty. The company wanted me to do well. I told them, ‘I love you, but I’m sorry. I’d rather go back to work than live like that.’
Was the decision to have the operation made?
When they said, ‘You have a thyroid problem,’ he had said no. He was like, ‘I will be the first to tell you, that we do not want you to be on the thyroid medication.’ And when they started injecting him with the medication, a couple of days later, the thyroid went under. Then they gave him medication for four weeks, then three weeks, but it was like having a huge tumor in your body. He had no memory; he was walking again, but his mouth was completely paralyzed. He had to stand up when his arms were extended.
Was your son’s condition always like this?
It was like a disease. He used to walk and talk, but there was no use, but there was still the problem, with the swallowing. He could eat and drink. He was a very intelligent young man–more intelligent than anybody I’ve ever seen.
Why did you want to leave?
I wanted to do things that made me happy while I was still alive. That’s all. My son was my life. It seemed that I could not do anything else.
Do you believe you made the right decision?
You’re not going to understand everything, but I think when I was young, I took my own life. What a beautiful thing,
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